In Choice Theory, Dr. William Glasser offers readers a new and far more effective way to get along with the people in our lives.He explains convincingly that, barring severe poverty or untreatable illness, unsatisfying or disconnecting relationships are the source of almost all crime, addiction, and mental illness, as well as marital, family, and school failure. For progress in human relationships, he explains that we must give up the punishing, relationship-destroying external control psychology that is by far the dominant one in the world. in one of this century's most significant books on psychology, Dr. Glasser offers us choice theory, a noncontrolling psychology that gives us freedom to sustain the relationships that lead to healthy, productive lives.

Southern California psychiatrist William Glasser, the author of Reality Therapy, believes that almost all human misery is caused by people trying to control others. In fact, he says, the only behavior we can control is our own; by the same token, no one can make us do anything we don't want to. It's only when we give up spending our energy trying to force others to conform to our ideas or to keep them from doing the same to us that we are able to live the way we want to. Glasser makes this somewhat difficult material easier to understand with examples and case studies from his own practice. For instance, he tells a man whose wife has left him that his only choices are to change what he wants her to do or to change the way he is dealing with her. While doing these things will not necessarily bring his wife back, Glasser says, it will certainly make him feel better. "When we actually begin to realize that we can control only our own behavior, we immediately start to redefine our personal freedom and find, in many instances, that we have much more freedom than we realize," Glasser writes.

ISBN13: 9780060930141
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Choice Theory (4.0)

The book was very interesting to read. It is filled lots of information that can help you with relationships, children etc.

Amazing (5.0)

I have throughly enjoyed reading this book and it has given me a new perspective on my family relationships, friendships and teaching. I would recommend this to everyone to read so that we are less destructive to one another and can gain an understanding of and improve ourselves along the way. Can't wait to get hold Glasser's 'Quality Classroom" and 'Quality Teacher" so I can use their ideas in my own work environment. I have asked my partner to also read it and it has been so helpful improving our communication with one another. READ IT!

READ THIS BOOK = HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS (5.0)

Even if you read (and apply) only the first 4 chapters of this book - just 80 pages - your life will change for the better.

In a nutshell, William Glasser argues that unhappiness is the result of unhappy relationships, and unhappy relationships are the result of one or both people trying to control each other.

Too often we criticize, bribe, nag, punish, yell at, give ultimatums to people we claim to love. We try to manipulate them into being and doing what we want. In the process, we damage, if not destroy, the relationship.

Likewise, we blame others - our spouses, kids, parents, bosses - for our misery. We think, "They're making me angry, sad, stressed. They're making me do things I don't want to do."

In actuality, nobody can MAKE us feel or do anything. They can only give us information. We CHOOSE, and must take full responsibility for, how we feel, think, react.

Others can only give us information. We can only give others information. No one can, in reality, control anyone. And trying to control others (or believing that they control us) KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

THE 5 BIGGEST TAKEAWAYS from this book (imho) include:
1) We can only exchange information. We cannot control others. Others cannot control us.

2) Trying to control/manipulate ANYONE (again, even our kids), creates misery. (It is a practice Glasser calls, External Control Theory. It under-girds most societies and families.)

3) We can influence people by remaining a part of their Quality World. (Staying on their mental list of things, people, events they get good feelings from.)

4) We all have 4 Psychological Needs: Love / Belonging, Freedom, Fun, Power. Each of us varies in how we'd rank each need. One tip for great relationships is to discuss and respect each others' different needs. (My hubby, for example, has a greater need for Love and Belonging. I have a greater need for Freedom. Now I understand his thrill at having us dress alike; and he understands my need to have alone-time.)

5) The Solving Circle is a great tool to initiate relationship healing. Inside the imaginary circle are you, your partner, and the relationship. You must each do things you know will benefit the relationship, and not exclusively serve your personal needs.


This was the first text used in my coach certification training. I recommend it to clients all the time.

It helps the reader take responsibility for creating the life and relationships they want. Only through taking responsibility can you accomplish anything.

A refreshing look at Psychology (4.0)

Choice Theory is all about what you can do to improve your life rather than looking into the past to determine what aspect of it has led you to where you are now. Looking into the past is useless as you are where you are, the important thing is the next decision that you make this is where Choice Theory can help you.

Good Read (4.0)

This took me a while to finish. Big fan of William Glasser and Choice Theory. I have read all of his works. It is great book while going to therapy. Reading this book without being familiar with Choice Theory, it might not resonate as much.

But with previous knowledge about choice theory, I truly enjoy this book and have reread it.

Hope this helps!